This is an update on my best friend Chris Morgan...an update I never wanted to write.
About a year ago, Chris began his fight with brain cancer. Encouraged by the support of his family and myriad of loving friends, and strengthened by his unwavering faith in Jesus, Chris battled with titanic courage. Despite setbacks and struggles, Chris continued to fight. Before his third operation he was confronted with the fact that the procedure could render his left side motionless. Chris didn't care. He kept on...all with a positive attitude.
Three brain operations in one year has just been too much for his body to endure. My heart breaks to write this, but the time has come. He's not responding to treatment and his body is spent. Now it's time for him to be comfortable, to rest, and to go home. The doctors estimate now that it will be a matter of days.
The news is devastating for Emily, for Gracie, his baby girl, for his family, and for the rest of us. We want him here...we don't know how to handle what comes next. And on our own, we can't.
My heart breaks for Emily and Gracie and his family...and he's always been beyond a friend to me...he's a true brother...so my heart also breaks for me.
I have no profound or insightful take on this...my heart just hurts. So let me tell you of a moment when God spoke to me about Chris...
Back in December, Chris had his second operation, and I was afraid then that we were going to lose him. I caught a flight to Knoxville to be by his side and as my the plane was landing, God had something to say to me.
I fell asleep listening to my ipod, thus not turning it off as the plane landed. The wheels hit the runway and I awakened to the sound of "Fix You" by Coldplay playing through my headphones. My stomach then sunk with the reality of the situation...my best friend's life was on the line. As the song continued I heard:
"High up above or down below, when you're too in love to let it go"
And I thought, yea...I'm not willing to let him go...and neither is anyone else. He deserves to be here...his wife needs him, his baby girl needs him, we all need him.
It continues:
"And I will try, to fix you."
Then I kept saying to God, "Fix him...fix him!! Fix his body! I know that doctors can't, God but you can fix him! Please Lord...fix my friend."
The lyrics progressed:
"Tears stream, down your face, when you lose something you cannot replace."
I said to God "He's not replaceable...don't take him. He cannot be replaced."
And then the conclusion of the song:
"Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you."
At that point, God said to me: "Matt, I've already fixed him."
He's right. Jesus already fixed him. Chris is ok. He was fixed the day that he gave his life to Christ...he's been fixed ever since. His body was broken then and is more broken now...but so is your body and mine...we're all broken.
In the end those bodies don't matter...the Father of lights will guide him home.
God gave me that solace in December, and 8 months later as he's on the cusp of seeing that glorious home...it remains.
I'm not used to this...I'm used to being on the other end...listening to someone share of a loss, my heart breaking for them and feeling useless and helpless-both are difficult. So in reading this, you may feel the same way. But you can help. Here's what you can do.
1. Pray for Emily, Grace, and his family.
2. Send Emily letters of love and encouragement and share stories and memories of Chris with her. To do so, write on the guestbook at his caringbridge page at: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/chrismorgan
3. In lieu of flowers, send a contribution. For information on how to do so, contact me.
To conclude, paul said it well:
Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. 1 Corinthians 13:12
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